Harjo, we are sorry you feel so negatively about your stay with us.
Please allow me to address some of the issues raised in your comments:
The property was in fact never listed as having WiFi, therefore we were under no obligation to provide it.
We can understand your frustration at having no internet as internet is usually provided (but this is a bonus and certainly not a given) at many hotels and hostels. As such, Thomas and I went above and beyond our reasonable expectations as hosts to offer you the use of our personal mobile phones to make your life easier. You never thanked myself or Thomas for our extended efforts in providing a luxury we actually never offered at the time of your reservation being made.
Consider, too, the personal risk I took in allowing you to use my mobile phone unsupervised (which, yes, I did collect once you left for dinner. I should be entitled to recuperate my own belongings in my own home). We had just met and I had no guarantee you weren't downloading anything illegal.
The property has a reverse cycle air conditioner in the communal living space, which you were invited to use on more than one occasion. You chose not to take advantage of these facilities.
Your concern is whether each room should be equipped with heating and cooling. In response to this, you should he aware that Air BnB does not specify in which room the heating and cooling facilities are located, just that they are available for guests' use. Harjo, during your three days with us, you had access to these facilities but chose not to use them.
Thomas and I also immediately arranged extra bedding and a bar heater for you - and got no thanks.
You smelled jif (not paint) because Thomas, my family and I had spent the entire day prior to your arrival cleaning the bathroom/walls/entire house from roof to floor (including the jif in the sink - to anyone reasonably capable of releasing a plug in the sink this would have been obvious). And your concern is about a few hairs in the toilet and paper in the bin? Consider minor imperfections normal in shared spaces.
The listing is 1.5 bathrooms (the bathroom next to the master bedroom, as per the photos) and a toilet upstairs. We have made no false claims as to the property facilities and your presuming the bathroom was entirely private was incorrect - and your responsibility to clarify.
Harjo, Thomas and I left a nice review for you despite the fact we found you a demanding, selfish, ungrateful, discourteous, nit-picky guest, because we like to focus on the positives and not criticise minor issues. We are incredibly disappointed you would not extend the same courtesy to us, despite the fact you were aware of us A) having just moved in the week prior and B) gone to every length to ensure your comfort